A Short Essay on the Necessity of Holes


Fashion these days is full of holes (not just arm holes, leg holes, neck holes and waist holes) just think of all the shredded denim one sees when strolling down the average city street. Personally I’ve viewed garments that, from one perspective, appeared to be short shorts worn with high socks, only to be seen from another perspective, they were in actuality, seen to be full length jeans with huge holes in back of the upper thighs.

Voluntary holes pierced through ears, noses, belly buttons and other assorted body parts in some cases can be artfully decorative but in others the pain imagined can make one wince.

Involuntary holes in one’s head are to be avoided at all costs if they are the result of violent interaction with a moving object or fist while those we are born with enable us to see, smell, taste, breath, and hear.

A sound hole is an opening on a stringed instrument that comes in many shapes and sizes such as F-holes (not to be confused with A-holes), C-holes, round holes, D-holes and rosettes. They allow sound boards to vibrate more freely, projecting sound more efficiently.

Blow holes in wind instruments (otherwise known as tone holes) allow for variation in sound, while blowholes in whales and dolphins provide a way for them to breathe. However blowhole can also be used to describe those who are full of hot air, more sound that substance.

While a hole in one is to be desired in golf, a hole in an argument reduces its effective logic and can totally invalidate ones point of view.

Holes in buildings and vehicles can provide valuable means of access and necessary views or, as in the case of murder holes in castles and tower houses, a convenient way to discourage unwanted guests. However, as few of us can afford a castle or tower house, boiling oil is not cost effective and shooting visitors with arrows or pelting them with rocks is frowned upon by the local constabulary, murder holes seem to have fallen out of fashion.

While multiple holes are desirable in pegboards and champagne, they are a nuisance when attempting to drive down a city street. Potholes (not to be confused with potheads) being a type of hole encountered on a regular basis in urban life. While it may be argued that potheads can create a void this should not be confused with a hole, being voluntary in nature, more often masking existence rather than poking a hole in it.

Humor can be found in visuals of unsuspecting passersby (especially those who walk down city streets completely absorbed in their iPhones) falling down open man holes, regardless of the fact that if this was actually to happen, sever injury or even death is not out of the realm of possibility.

The Beatles traveled through a “Sea of Holes” and the hole in Ringo’s pocket allowed them to escape when trapped in a bubble. While poking a hole in a bubble will pop it, bubbles rising through the surface tension of water create holes in the liquid as they rise that are then refilled as they pass.

Matter and light can escape from a white hole but are drawn into and trapped in a black hole. Beautiful pictures have been taken of black holes blowing bubbles of gas, while humans and cows blowing bubbles of gas should be avoided especially in small enclosed spaces.

Now you may think I have skipped an important hole or two (such as donut holes and pie holes) however I do believe that certain holes speak for themselves, repeatedly, ad nauseam and with great enthusiasm. I believe we are all familiar with them and any further elucidation on the subject would be redundant in the extreme however, in the interests of completing the whole list, I do welcome any and all eloquently phrased posts on the subject matter that I have not covered above.